Loving Yourself: How to?

When I wrote my earlier post on Loving Myself – Is is Vanity or Necessity and shared it on my FB wall, a former student commented that it would be good to learn about the “how to” also. Therefore this post. I hasten to add that all these are tried and tested ways when I went through a “low self esteem” phase.

 

(I hope this is useful, Swati.) 

 

1. Discover yourself.

 

Ask yourself these questions: Do you know yourself well? What are your strong points? What are the areas where you have developmental needs? Write them all in a private journal. The more you know about yourself, the better you can accept yourself.

 

2. Smile often.

 

Research says that one uses less facial muscles to smile and more to frown. Therefore smile should come to us easily and naturally. It is not for nothing there is this saying that exhorts one to smile, for ‘it adds to one’s face value.’ Smiles beget smiles and what an amount of happy cheerful energy surrounds you! This is the most positive aspect of smiles. They are like sunshine – life giving and radiating.

 

3. Cultivate acceptance.

 

You are what you are physically. Technology has advanced so much that there are costly quick fixes like Botox or tummy tucks and the like to enhance one’s body image. It is also worth remembering that such alteration comes with heavy prices – the actual cost factor and the after effects that can be even life threatening. Look at yourself in the mirror and lovingly tell yourself “I love my … “ (fill it with every body part from head to toe). Look at yourself with new eyes. What a marvel you are thanks to each and every invisible part in your body! Take the case of your heart – it does the job silently. Should it stop, we cease to exist. But have we ever thanked our heart for keeping us alive? Our legs, for taking us from place to place? This exercise of thanking each and every part of our body will help us with not only acceptance but also fill us with gratitude.

 

4. Learn from mistakes.

 

Society abhors the ‘F’ word – failure I mean. Historically educators as well as adults have created a climate that does not encourage errors. Failure is pictured as a bottomless abyss from which pupils / people can never come out. No wonder then that many young teens are hope-less and despondent even before they have entered the brave new adult world. Whether it is homework, test taking, making friends or playing games, learning is enriched through making mistakes. It is here that a parent /mentor/educator can play a vital role – encourage all even when they make mistakes. This will prompt them to try again and not give up in despair.

 

5. Be kind & positive to yourself.

 

Many cannot forgive the lapses they make or that of others. Research says that ruminating about the past and about mistakes committed releases so many negative emotions and expressions, increase cardiac reactivity and impair the body’s parasympathetic calming response. Compassion and forgiveness on the other hand generate a host of positive emotions and responses, giving the body comfort, control and the right social orientation. So, it is worth letting go of bitterness and grudges. The moment you do that you stop being and acting like a victim. More importantly, forgive your own trespasses. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and say, “I forgive myself for——.” Another technique is to write a letter to your own self about the transgression. Burn it (be careful and prevent accidents of fire). This is symbolic of burning the thoughts of guilt and being reborn from its ashes, like the proverbial phoenix.

 

6. Silence the inner critic in you.

 

Is your negative self with its nonstop chatter, chiding you at each and every step? Stop this; else it will kill your self-confidence, and leave you at the very edge of depression and anxiety. Such an inner critic is all about the past and looks for blame. Replace that which beats you up with something new that will make you feel good – something constructive, positive. Accept your imperfections and be grateful that you are you and not anyone else. Remember it is perfectly ok to not be perfect.

 

7. Affirmations – use them lavishly.

 

“I live in the present, here and now.”

“I am very contented and happy.”

“I am fit and healthy.”

“I am me, I am ok.”

Words are expressions of thought and repeated positive and fostering expressions send positive vibrations to the Universe and make thoughts happen. So use suitable affirmations to develop love for yourself.

 

8. Look after your Body.

 

Eat healthy. Nurture it with proper nutrition and exercise. Treat it with utmost respect and care. Nourish it with Love. Very often many body image issues occur because the body lacks love and care.

 

9. Stay away from the comparison trap.

 

Can you ever compare apples with oranges? Each has its unique features. Never compare yourself with others. Comparing results in judging and leads to resentment, hatred. It evokes either inferiority or superiority, besides a host of other negative, damaging feelings. How do you stop comparing? Count your blessings! Focus on your positives, your strengths. To love yourself is to stop comparing.

 

10. Journal and plot your shift.

 

This is a highly reflective and effective exercise. Look at the good and the bad / the high and the low of each day. Jot it down in a private diary. It is an amazing stress buster and helps to release all pent up emotions. The consequent reflection empowers you by clearing your mind and giving you focus. When life hits unprecedented lows of change, hurt, loss and pain, journal writing can detoxify and heal. It can be an observation journal or the very effective gratitude journal.

 

So, there we are – love yourself first. When nobody celebrates or compliments you, learn to do them to yourself. Learn to enjoy your own company. The more you like yourself, the less you will want the lives of other people. The more the encouragement comes from within you, the more wholesome you will be. And the more wholesome you are, the more you will love yourself!

 

Reference:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/charlotte-vanoyen-witvliet-phd/surprised-by-happiness-wh_b_787126.html

http://www.deepermeditation.net/stressadviceblog/the-benefits-of-journaling-and-how-to-start-183

C for Corruption - a Blot on India!

Corruption is no doubt a global phenomenon. There have been many instances of corruption all over and thanks to the media many were exposed. 

Today, with technological advance and an alert print and visual media, things have become a lot easier for exposes. Whistle blowers too have played a vital role in informing us about corruption. 

The Transparency International, a leading anti-corruption watchdog, published its Corruption Perception Index (CPI) for 2011 on 1st December 2011. In this index they actually name the least corrupt to the most corrupt countries in a scale from 10 to 0. While the top slot with 9.5 rating goes to New Zealand, they are closely followed by the Scandinavian countries of Denmark and Finland with 9.4 as their score. The ignominious last two places go to Somalia & North Korea with the lowest 1.0 scores. Where does India figure in the list? India is 95th (out of 183 countries covered by the index) with a 3.1 score. It is worth pointing out that in 2010 we were at 87 with 3.3 score and have dropped 8 places, thanks to the innumerous corruption scandals involving the ruling governments in both the Centre and the States unearthed. 

On 8th December 2011, Bibek Debroy and Laveesh Bhandari have touched a raw nerve when they calculated the figures that the corrupt earn in India – a mind blowing Rs. 92,122 crore ($18.42 billion) which works out to 1.26% of the GDP! In their book aptly titled, “Corruption in India: The DNA & RNA”, Debroy who is a professor with Delhi's Centre for Policy Research and Bhandari who heads Indicus Analytics, monitoring the performance of the Indian economy, lists out the various public services that are plagued with the mire of corruption. This includes industries of transport, real estate, illegal mining, government procurement, agriculture, forestry and logging, fishing, registered manufacturing, electricity, gas and water supply, construction, trade, hotels and restaurants, railways, storage, communication, and banking and insurance. Well, reading the exhaustive list, it occurred to me that it would be a lot easier to point out where corruption does not happen in this country than the other way around! It is sad that India’s economic growth is undermined by corruption that permeates the entire warp and weft of the nation. 

Today, though there are anti-corruption laws, they are toothless and powers that be can easily circumvent them, break them with impunity, sneak away through loop holes and walk out of prisons & courts with ease. Coming out of prisons, they target whistle blowers (we have had so many – Manjunath Shanmugham, Shehla Masood, Niyamat Ansari – just to mention a few names that cannot be forgotten) and meticulously eliminate them, leaving no traces. RTI activists find themselves at the receiving end. 

Where does all this leave us? Surely the need of the hour is a strong Lokpal Bill which will ensure stringent punishment to those who indulge in corruption of any kind. Let us all support it in every possible way. Let us hope that we are able to chain the monster of corruption and signal the awakening of the giant that India is – thanks to her man power, resources and timeless national values. Let's remove the blot on this land which has "Satyameva Jayate" (meaning Truth alone triumphs, from the ancient scripture - Mundaka Upanishad) as its motto. 

I want to end this post on a very optimistic note borrowing the immortal lines of John Keats in the Ode to the West Wind. 

The trumpet of a prophecy! O Wind,
If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?

Shift and Change

A couple of years ago I embarked on a string of changes at the professional level which then impacted me at a personal level. Though I began with bright flames of enthusiasm, gradually I found it difficult to keep it alive and burning; in fact even the embers were dying. So much so that, I thoroughly felt overwhelmed! Months later, a delectable spread of choicest motivational reading, conscious and deliberate positive affirmations and self talk, a never-say-die attitude, nurturing support from my wonderful family, months of introspection and acceptance of change helped me tide over this difficult phase.

Change is the only constant! It happens all the time. Yet, we stumble. Sadly it is true that no school teaches change management nor is there any crash course to make us seasoned veterans. Why is change so very difficult to manage?

Our belief system plays a vital role in managing change. It is the proverbial question – is the glass half full or half empty? How do we look at issues that call for change - as problems or as challenges? What is our attitude – do we resist change or do we embrace it? Do we see it as a negative thing that is singling us out or as a positive curve that will help us grow into better, holistic persons?

A wine grower named Giorgio called for his two sons Anton and Vitto and told them he would have to test each of them in order to decide who was best qualified to take charge of the property when he retired. The two young men were very different: Anton was daring and mischievous, always smiling and friendly, while his brother was taciturn and hard-working, but entirely devoid of emotion.

The father gave them each a vine seedling and said:"I want you to choose the place that you think has the best conditions for your vine to grow. The one who harvests the best grapes a few years from now will take control of the property."

Anton was in no hurry to get started. "I have a lot of time before I have to start looking around. A vine grows slowly, and only yields grapes after four years anyway."

Vitto knew that too, but he decided to find the best place to plant his vine right away. He planted his seedling on a parcel of land facing south, on top of a rocky hill. Anton made fun of him, saying: "You idiot, you chose the worst possible location! A hilltop facing south make the leaves shrivel and burn and soil full of rocks won't allow the roots to grow. You won't get any grapes from that vine at all!"
Four years later the father once again summoned his two sons so he could taste their fruit.

Anton's basket was filled with beautiful, juicy grapes, while Vitto's basket held only a few small grapes. Giorgio picked two grapes from each basket and tasted them in silence. The ones from Anton's basket were filled with seeds and their size was due to all the water they contained.

"Tasteless," his father said. But when Giorgio tasted Vitto's grapes his face lit up with pleasure. "These grapes are small but they're bursting with flavour," he exclaimed. "Their juice will produce excellent wine. This is very good work. How did you do it, my son?"

"I followed a simple principle," Vitto replied. "Like people, vines only yield good fruit when challenged with adversity."

We may sometimes wonder why we have to put up with so many obstacles in life. Change brings to us things that make us work harder – and they are really great life lessons. As we move along the path of life, we need to learn more lessons and emerge as better, stronger people. These events form our character and make us the persons we are today. 


Wisdom therefore lies in accepting change; so let us be prepared to confront whatever Destiny places on our path, and use it to emerge stronger! Let us bloom where we are planted, for there are more lessons for us to learn! Let us go with the flow and realize ‘this too will pass away’! This can make things easy for us and then are able to lead a life with lot more less stress – a definite plus to us and to our loved ones around.

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.

Maya Angelou

Hello Readers!

Welcome to Charaiveti, my blog!!

Why did I name this blog Charaiveti? What is Charaiveti?

Recently I came across this interesting Sanskrit word, an aphorism from the Aitareya Upanishad, which means “Go on”. A powerful and potent word which in true Upanishadic style exhorts one to move on and keep going! The actual source of the word is a hymn about the long endless journey towards self-realization which each one of us must embark on, and each verse ends with the refrain: 'Charaiveti, Charaiveti', meaning, oh traveller, march along, march along!'

"Charanbai madhu vindati charantsvadu mudambaram.
Suryasya pasya sreemanam yo na tandrayate charan.
Charaiveti, charaiveti."

Aitareya Upanishad, 7.15

["The honey bee, by its motion, collects honey, and birds enjoy tasty fruits by constant movement. The sun is revered, by virtue of its constant shining movement; therefore, one should be constantly in motion. Keep moving, keep moving on!"]

Lord Buddha used to conclude his discourses and sermons everyday with these words: Charaiveti, Charaiveti. What a positive and meaningful way of urging and encouraging his audience!

Whatever the circumstances, we have to move on and persist like a dogged traveller in the journey of life. Being a seeker myself, I cannot therefore find a better name for my blog!!

Continuing with the metaphor of the journey of life, we are sure to traverse through hills and vales, acmes and abysses. There is sure to be success and failure, rising and falling. All these are sure to bring about change. Well, change is inevitable and is in fact the only thing that is permanent, like the seasons. Sometimes change can be exhilarating and exciting. Sometimes it can be frustrating and demoralizing. And sometimes it can be scary and terrifying.

Whatever the emotion it draws out from within us, change can really be a wonderful thing, if only we welcome, introspect, appreciate and learn from it. The learning in turn will strengthen our hearts, expand our minds and enrich our very lives. It would be a useful exercise to introspect and examine how much we have changed. And if we find that we have changed in one way or the other, we can pat ourselves on the back, for it is either for survival or for excellence. And the ultimate truth is the day we stop changing, we fossilize, we die!

So, no matter how strenuous the climb is, how long and winding the road is, how worn out we are, we need to carry on. . . . Charaveti, Charaiveti . . .keep going, keep going and never stop moving till the last breath of life.

"Change has a bad reputation in our society. But it isn't all bad — not by any means. In fact, change is necessary in life — to keep us moving ... to keep us growing ... to keep us interested . ... Imagine life without change. It would be static ... boring ... dull."
Communications Psychologist Dr. Dennis O’ Grady
in Bottom Line – Personal http://www.drogrady.com/blog/?p=73